Bailey is a bad, bad circus dog! (video)

HAHAHAHA!! Look at what Murphy taught Bailey to do! I'm not the baddest dog in the house anymore!!

Maybe Mr. Wallenda can use Bailey in his next adventure!

Love
BANDIT!!!

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Uh oh. Dead chipmunks.

Uh oh. Me and Bailey squished up the front door to Chip and Dale's drainpipe.

Remember the chipmunks that used to live in our drainpipe? Remember how me and Bailey got crazy wild and took part of the drainpipe off the house to try and catch the chipmunks? Me and Bailey have been waiting for a long time for Chip and Dale to come back and play. But they have been not around lately.

We thought they have been on vacation. Chipmunks in Mexico! Lying on the beach drinking acorn-tinis! Doing the cha-cha all night! Cha-cha Chipmunks!

Uh oh. Daddy told Mommy last night that Chip and Dale are not on vacation. They went up the drainpipe but couldn't come back down because me and Bailey squished the end of the pipe closed. Then a bunch of gunky gunk got washed down from the gutters and closed off the other end. So Chip and Dale had to stay in the drainpipe. For a long time. Like for about eleventyteen days long.

When when Daddy went to clean the drainpipes last week ... uh oh. Dead chipmunks.

Poor Chip and Dale. Well, at least we still have Mr. Fluffy.

love
BANDIT!!

PS: Do you think chipmunks go to live on God's Farm in the Sky? Maybe they are playing with Scout right now!!!


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Bandit writes a letter to Grandma's friend Michelle

Hi everyone! Did you miss me?

Dear Michelle. Grandma says that you miss me! Here I am!!

I am sorry that I have not wrote on my blog very much. It has been B.O.R.I.N.G. here for a while. Here is some of the boring stuff going on.

Bailey unyarned a blankie Mommy is crocheting. It took Mommy about eleventeen hours to ravel back up the yarn.

Bailey tried to eat a GIANT toad on Saturday night. Bailey eats a lot of gross stuff. Once she tried to eat a whole baby bird and Mommy had to make her open her mouth and then reach in and take it out. Mommy says it was gross. Bailey said it was tasty. I don't think the baby bird was peeping any more. I don't think a toad would taste good, either. But we are both trying to catch some of the chipmunks who live in our drainpipes and garage. A chipmunk might be a tasty treat.



This is Mr. Fluffy.

We have a bunny in our yard!! He is a big, fluffy bunny. Mommy says I was sniffing the the grass and the bunny was right next to my nose but I didn't even know. Bailey is a better bunny sniffer. She puts her nose to the ground and sniffs like the giant dog hair sucking machine until she finds the bunny. It is nice for us dogs to have a pet, as long as Bailey doesn't eat it.

Mommy has been working on her family tree. A family tree is not the kind of tree you pee on. This kind of tree just has nuts on it. A family tree is boring for a dog. I hope she finds out that her family had some famous dogs. Then I will be interested.

Mommy has been having Big Crying Days over Scout. She says every time she goes to Walmart and doesn't have to stock up on bubbles it makes her cry because it reminds her that Scout is living on God's Farm in the Sky and not in our house anymore. That makes me cry, too.

Mommy is trying to grow a garden. So far the seed stuff has died, except for some beans. The other vegetables are growing pretty but we haven't seen any food yet. Mommy says if we had to live on what we can grow ourselves we would starve. She has some strawberry plants that make lots of berries but everytime she goes to pick them the strawberries are gone. Mommy, what do you think Mr. Fluffy eats? Fluffy Chow? HAHAHAHA!

Mommy had a Happy Your Mother Day. We were bad all day.

Then it was Mommy's Happy Birthday to You day. She let us eat her dinner and lick the birthday cake. It was great.

Yesterday was Daddy's Happy Birthday to You day. He spent all day washing his truck. He did not let us eat hamburgers or lick any cake. He didn't have cake. He had cannolis. He didn't let us lick that either (but Mommy let me have a taste). But he had a very good day and that is all that is important.

Next week is Happy Your Father Day. I think we'll bark all day for Daddy. I don't think it will make him happy but that is what happens when you don't share your cannolis with your puppy.

Mostly, Mommy has been working on her computer and Daddy has been at his work and me and Bailey have been going outside to bark and then coming inside to bark and then going outside to bark and then coming inside. Stuff like that.

Boring.

I hope you are having a not boring summer, Michelle! Give Grandma a big hug for us and be nice to her because she is the bestest Grandma in the whole wide world!

Love, your pal,
BANDIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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My handsome self. Mommy says the picture looks empty because Scout is not there.

Mommy has been having a lot of crying days lately. She said part of it because she misses Scout. Scout went to live on God's Farm in the Sky about twelveteen weeks ago. He was the "fix Mommy's crying" dog. I don't know what to do when Mommy cries. Me and Bailey just know how to bark.

But we are trying to be gooder dogs. Last week we went for a walk together and we even let our tails touch and we didn't kill each other. Yesterday, I snuck outside with Bailey for a minute and then Bailey snuck down the stairs to the front door with me for about two seconds. We didn't kill each other those times either.



Look! Our tails are touching!

 Bailey even tried to help Mommy with her crochet a blankie project. But that didn't help. I don't know why. I think Bailey made it pretty!
 

Bailey was being a big make a blankie helper.

But Mommy says she still misses Scout. I think it has to do with all of the bottles of bubbles she found. I don't like to play bubbles. Bailey sometimes like to play bubbles but she gets too wild. Scout was the super bubble chasing dog. 

Scout was the super everything dog.

 Murphy says Mommy is crying because us animals cost her so much money and she's still paying the bills from when I ate her inhaler and had to go to the hospital and when Bailey got her surgery to get her girl stuff fixed. And Murphy needs about twoteen hundred dollars to get a tooth taken out because it is O.U.C.H.Y.

She is probably crying because of Scout and how much us animals cost, plus the ants that have come to live in our house. They decided the really like it in our house and Mommy says if they don't leave she is going to move to the Arctic Circle, where it is too cold for ants.



Remember this fun time?

 Or maybe she just remembers last year when there were three dogs who liked to share popsicles. It is not as much fun without Scout.

Love
Bandit

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Disney has a new show "Dog With A Blog". I am not the star.



This is not me. This is a TV blogging dog. But he is pretty handsome, too.



Guess what? Disney is making a new show about a dog just like me. It is called "Dog With A Blog."

I am not the star. The star looks a little like me. He is handsome, too. But I have been blogging for about eleventeen years, so I'm more specialer.

I don't know if the TV dog can write as good as me. We don't get Disney Channel so we won't watch the show. But Mommy says, "Who needs a blogging dog on TV when you live with a blogging dog every day?"

That's right, Mommy. I'm the original blogging Border collie.

I'm pretty sure this TV dog is also not a Mystery Barf champ. But maybe I will write to him like I write to Bo Obama and we can be paw pals.

Love
BANDIT!!!!

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Me and Mommy visit Highland Park before the Lilac Festival starts

 

The workers are getting the park ready for the Lilac Festival party.
About eleventymillionteen people will come from around the world to smell the flowers.


So today me and Mommy went for a walk in a place called Highland Park. It is a famous place because every year they have a big party called the Lilac Festival. If you live where I live, the Lilac Festival is A Very Big Deal.

Just in case you didn't know, a lilac is a pretty flower that grows on a tree. Butterflies like it and bees like it and mommies like it, too. Dogs don't really care about lilacs. But the trees are good to pee on!



There are a lot of good sniffs to sniff at Highland Park.


So me and Mommy walked for a while in the park. The party doesn't start until next week so we thought we would visit before eleventymillionteen people showed up.

We went up, up, up the hill and passed some people sitting on benches reading books and daddies and mommies pushing babies in strollers and people walking around sniffing flowers. I was the only one peeing on trees.

This is the Reservoir. You are not allowed to swim in there.
Even if you really need to cool off..

At the top of the park there is a place called the Reservoir. This is not a giant swimming pool, even though it looks like a fun place to go for a swim. Especially if you are hot and tired of walking up hills and peeing on trees and being a good dog and not jumping on people or sniffing babies.

The Reservoir is the place where our drinking water comes from! But guess what? You are not allowed to drink the water in there, either. You have to drive home and turn on the kitchen faucet. But they do have a fountain in case you can't wait till you get home.

I could not wait.



Tasty water from the Reservoir. I would rather have had a swim.


Then me and Mommy walked down, down, down the hill and back to the car. It was a good walk and I was a good boy but I was hot and tired. You know Mommy made me take a stupid picture anyway.



This is me. Those are lilacs. Can we go now, Mommy?


The good thing about Mommy is that when I am a good dog, I get a treat. So we went to Tim Horton's for coffee and a Tim Bit. Then we went home and I got sprayed off with the hose.

If you want to learn more about the Lilac Festival, you can visit their website. Or you can visit the festival!

But if you are a dog, you probably want to stay home. It will be hot and there will be a lot of people and loud music and cars, and stuff you will want to eat but you can't, and people who will want to pet you when you don't want to be petted, and you might get bored or cranky and do something bad, like bite someone or pee on someone or steal a hot dog from a child in a stroller. It will not be a fun dog party.

In fact, the smart people at the Lilac Festival said on their website that you are not supposed to bring your dog: "Be kind to your pets and leave them home! We appologize ahead of time for this inconvenience but we are considering the saftey of your pets and other visitors to the Lilac Festival." (I did not make those spelling boo boos. Just so you know.)

You can visit before or after the festival, though! The lilac flowers might not be flowering but you can still pee on the trees.

Your pal,
BANDIT!!

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President Obama eats a dog; Bandit warns Bo

Dear Bo, This is your pal, Bandit! How have you been? It's blechy here today. There are giant plops of slush falling from the sky. I like it better when it is sunny.

Bo, I saw something in the news last week that I think you should know about: Your daddy the President eats dogs. He wrote about it in his book.

He says it happened a long time ago, when he was a kid. But I see in the news that your mommy the First Lady has been working on a big vegetable garden at the White House.

Bo, I am afraid that they are getting ready to serve Roasted Loin of Water Dog with sides of fresh vegetables.

I think you should learn a lesson from Seamus Romney and run, Bo, run! Get away as fast as you can! I hear Canada is nice this time of year.

When Mr. Romney gets into the White House, you can go back. He might make you fly on top of Air Force One when they go on vacation, but at least you'll be with the family and not on the menu.

Bark to you later!
Your pal,
BANDIT!!!!

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