Monday, April 23, 2012

President Obama eats a dog; Bandit warns Bo

Dear Bo, This is your pal, Bandit! How have you been? It's blechy here today. There are giant plops of slush falling from the sky. I like it better when it is sunny.

Bo, I saw something in the news last week that I think you should know about: Your daddy the President eats dogs. He wrote about it in his book.

He says it happened a long time ago, when he was a kid. But I see in the news that your mommy the First Lady has been working on a big vegetable garden at the White House.

Bo, I am afraid that they are getting ready to serve Roasted Loin of Water Dog with sides of fresh vegetables.

I think you should learn a lesson from Seamus Romney and run, Bo, run! Get away as fast as you can! I hear Canada is nice this time of year.

When Mr. Romney gets into the White House, you can go back. He might make you fly on top of Air Force One when they go on vacation, but at least you'll be with the family and not on the menu.

Bark to you later!
Your pal,

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Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Back to the cemetery

Me and Mommy went back to the cemetery today. I peed on trees, Mommy took pictures. It was cold. We had fun. When Mommy got home, she blah blah blahed on her blog.

I'm going to take a nap.


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Monday, April 2, 2012

My surprise adventure weekend (and I am a very, very bad dog)

"Are we there yet?"

I had a big adventure this weekend with Mommy and my Aunt Jackie. It was a surprise. We went to Pennsylvania to visit Grandpa for dinner because he is having a fiftyleventeen birthday next week.

Just in case you didn't know, Aunt Jackie is allergic to everything in the whole world. Even herself. But she has new allergy medicine and she feels grrrreat! So she said I could sleep in the hotel room with her.  But first I had to get a bath. Boo.

I love Aunt Jackie so I got a bath before our adventure.

Me and Mommy drove our dogmobile from Rochester and Aunt Jackie drove her not-dogmobile from her house and we met at a hotel called the Days Inn.

You should know that driving is boring. It is a lot of stuff passing you out the window and rain making noise on your roof and Mommy singing stupid songs. But you get snacks!

I am not smiling because it is boring to drive all that way.

So this is what we did when we got to Pennsylvania. First, Mommy and Aunt Jackie brought in their stuff. Then they got ready to go meet Grandpa and Carol for dinner. I was supposed to stay in the room, but when Mommy left I started barking and barking before she even closed the door. So Mommy said, "I can't leave him here." So she took me with her!

They went to a Barbie Q place and I waited in the car like a good boy. I didn't bark or anything. I just sat in the car and looked out the window and said to Mommy in my mind, Hurry up, Mommy. Hurry up, Mommy.

Then we went to Grandpa and Carol's house for a little while. You should know that when you go to visit your dad and take him out to dinner it makes him very, very happy. So happy that if you also bring your dog and your dog chases his cats, he won't even care!

This is Grandpa. This is also Carol's foot.

Then we went back to the hotel. Staying in a hotel is fun. You can jump on the beds (only if you have sheets over the bedspreads to keep off paw prints) and have breakfast in bed and stay up late and watch TV. It's a great, snuggly time.

When you stay in a hotel, you get breakfast in bed!

It's fun to snuggle in bed and watch cable TV.

Anyway, I did not poop at all on Saturday, so me and Mommy did a lot of walking around the hotel and the neighborhood behind the hotel. I didn't find anyplace good to poop even though we tried a lot of places. But in the morning I really had to go, so I pooped in the hotel garden. When you really have to potty you can't be picky.

You should know that Mommy picked up the poop because that is what good mommies do. You are not allowed to poop and leave it in the garden.

When Mommy and Aunt Jackie went to breakfast with Grandpa, they left me in the hotel room because they were just at the restaurant next door. Mommy gave me a Kong with peanut butter and I got up on the bed and laid down like a good boy. She closed the door and listened for me to bark (I didn't) and then went to have eggs and bacon.

Except I was only a good dog for about twelve seconds. Then I was a bad, bad dog. I barked and barked and tried to open the door and I found a leash and chewed it up and when I was done with that I chewed up the door.

That is not an April Fools.

Yup. I was a bad dog. I'm sorry!!

Even though I didn't get arrested, I guess it is a big deal when you are a dog and you chew up a hotel door. So Mommy told the front desk lady and the front desk lady called her boss and they told Mommy they would call her today to tell her how many eleventeen hundred dollars it would cost to fix my badness.

I think Mommy wasn't having a good time any more. She was worried it would cost so much to fix that she would have to sell the cat to pay for it.

Aunt Jackie told Mommy that at least she had something to write about now, and Mommy said, "Oh well, there's nothing I can do now except pay for it." But I heard Mommy and Aunt Jackie talking about going to Reptileland to see the alligators and snakes, and I was worried Mommy was going to leave me there because I had been so bad.

But they decided to see the creepy crawlers the next time we had an adventure. Yay, I was not going to be lunch for an alligator! So we drove home.

It rained and snowed and I was not happy in the car and going home was not much more fun that driving there.

This is what it looked like out my window the whole way there and the whole way home. Boring.

But guess what happened today? When the nice front desk lady called she said it would cost zero dollars to fix my badness. Zero means no dollars! She said that there are a lot of dogs who do way badder stuff than what I did and they just leave and don't even tell anyone. She said the hotel fixer guy could take care of my badness pretty easy. That made Mommy cry.

So we had a fun dinner with Grandpa and Carol and got to watch TV and eat snacks in a hotel and be bad and not get arrested for it!

That is my surprise weekend. I think we should have another adventure weekend, except I should not stay alone in the hotel by myself again.


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