Monday, May 31, 2010

The ghost puppy was bad again and Bandit likes Sprite

Mommy went to have lunch with her friend Carole today and then she went shopping. When she got home, she said, Gee it's stinky like dog pee in this house. And guess what? It's because someone peed in my crate!

I tried to tell Mommy that Scout did it. But Mommy said that I was locked inside the crate and Scout was locked out of the crate, so she knew he didn't do it. Gee, maybe the ghost puppy was here again.

Don't tell her, but it was me. I couldn't help it! We played water dog and I drank forty-leven gallons of water and peed eleventeen times before she even left.  But I still has some in there. I'm going to let her think the ghost puppy did it.

So then we went outside and I ate some grass and barfed. That was fun. And then Cassie came over and she and Mommy decided to go to Schallers to have a hamburger. So back into the crate I went. I barked.

And ta da! Mommy came back and got me! She said if I was going to barf again she wanted to see what was going to come up besides grass. Scout didn't come because Mommy said she only had one nerve left so she could only take one puppy.

So at Schallers, Mommy thought one of the drinks Cassie got was water, so she poured it into my water bowl. But it wasn't water. It was something called Sprite.

Sprite is fizzy water with sugar and ice cubes and no caffeine. So Mommy said I could go ahead and try it. Sprite is good stuff. It made my tongue icy cold and it tickled my nose. And it went great with the sweet potato french fries I ate.

So there you go. I was a bad dog and I still got to have a big adventure with Mommy and Cassie, all by myself.

I'm a lucky dog.


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Sunday, May 30, 2010

Happy Birthday to Mommy!

Today is Mommy's birthday! Scout woke Mommy up with a snuggle. He was quiet. I barked the Happy Birthday song to her. The chickens laid her 5 eggs today!

Me and Scout had breakfast, Daddy went to go do work at the deer hunting farm, and Mommy went to Pastor Samme's church.

Then when Mommy came home, Grandma called and said Hey pups! Come on over and play water dog at my house! So we said Sure!!

Me and Scout and Mommy got in the car and went to Grandma's. Mommy sang songs the whole way and we stuck our noses out the window. Mommy does not sing very good but she does sing loud. It was a great day for a little road trip.

We played water dog at Grandma's while Mommy and Grandma played set up Grandma's Facebook. It's fun to play water dog at Grandma's because she has A LOT of grass and no dirt.

Grandma gave Mommy a whole bunch of new plastic containers and lids because I chewed up all the ones in the cupboard. And she also gave Mommy a pushing machine that chops up the grass but doesn't use any gas or make any noise.

Just in case you didn't know, puppies should NOT put their noses into the spinning parts of the pushing machine that chops grass. You could get your nose chopped right off and then you would never be able to smell when a cat was in your house.

Anyway, Daddy just came home and got Mommy a birthday pizza and Cassie might be coming home later. Me and Scout will probably play catch with Mommy later before we put her to bed with kisses and muddy paws on the sheets.

Happy Birthday Mommy!

Bark to you later!

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Friday, May 28, 2010

Bo Obama does get to ride on Air Force One!

Hey Bo! How are you doing, paw pal?

I just read a news story about how you got to ride on Air Force One and how you ran away from your daddy the President and made a break for the back of the plane and surprised all of the reporters.

HAHAHAHAHA!!! That's hilarious! You and me would have some fun times together.

But if you really want to get away, you have to run when you're off the plane. Like Paco, the dog who ran away in Mexico and is living it up with his Mexican senorita puppy. If you run while you're still on the plane you'll only get as far as the bathroom.

But you have to be careful. John Travolta's dogs got killed at the airport last week. So watch out for wheels when you get ready to run.

The article also said that you had a barking match with the Secret Service K9 dog. Just in case you didn't know, K9 dogs are not friendly.

Daddy's friend Cuyler has a K9 police dog (and his name is Bandit, too). I met the other Bandit once. He is all work, no play. And he is a tough dog. He got half his ear bit off in a fight this week. I don't know if the Secret Service dogs are as scary as the police dogs, but if I were you I'd stay away from them. Just in case.

Anyway, have fun on Air Force One! Shed all over and chew up some seats!

Make sure the flight attendant gives you some wings for your collar. And get some extra peanuts, too. Just in case you get hungry later.

Bark to you later!
Your pal,

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Thursday, May 27, 2010

Water dogs are muddy dogs

Hahaha, me and Scout are filthy from playing water dog.

Except Scout is definitely the dirtiest.

And it's not even summer yet! We have months of water dog ahead of us! Isn't it great!!?

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Let's play water dog til someone barfs!!

Me and Scout love to play water dog!! And Mommy bought a new sprinkler for us this summer. So while she's inside writing me and Scout are outside playing water dog!!!

I got bored so I chewed up that yellow thing on the sprinkler. Mommy said, Bandit, I think you broke the sprinkler.

What, Mommy? We can't play water dog anymore?

Yay! The sprinkler still works!!!

Let's play water dog until someone barfs!


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Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Bandit ate dinner. Mommy's dinner, actually

OK, so I did a bad thing today. Are you surprised?

Mommy was cooking chicken to chop up for salads for dinner, and she was talking on the phone at the same time. So when she wasn't paying attention, I snuck up and stole the rest of the chicken off the cutting board.

I did this once before but I forgot that chicken doesn't taste good until you cook it. But it was still a pretty darn good snack.

I guess Mommy and Daddy will have to put less chicken on their salads and more vegetables because that is life with a stinker dog.



PS: You should know that it was NOT a chicken that lives in our backyard. It was a stranger. No one we knew.

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Mommy is volunteering and Shasta needs a home

The volunteer lady from the animal shelter called Mommy last night and they want Mommy to volunteer.

Yay for Mommy!

Mommy said the lady was very nice and she asked if Mommy would be interested in working at the front desk and answering phones and filling out adoption papers. Mommy would like that a lot. And she still can walk and wash dogs and snuggle kitties, too!

Now Mommy has to go to something called orientation class where they will teach her how to volunteer.

And guess what? The dog Mommy fell in love with  when she was visiting is still there. Daddy said NO MORE DOGS, so Mommy wants to help find a good home for this dog.

Her name is Shasta and she is 8 months old and she is a love puppy. And she is deaf. So she needs a home where her family will be able to work with her and take her to training classes. But Mommy said she is soooo nice and sooo sweet and she thinks Shasta will learn fast how to tell her family she loves them and sit, stay and lie down.

Shasta is a lab, retriever, terrier mix - yay for mutts!! If Daddy would let us take her Mommy would bring her home until she could find a family. You should go see Shasta if you want a dog!!


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Tuesday, May 25, 2010

6 ways to drive your mommy crazy

Hi paw pals! It's been too hot here to go outside and play. At least that's what Mommy said. We think she just wants to sit in front of the fan and read a book.

So me and Scout decided that we would make Mommy crazy so she would pay attention to us. Do you want to try it, too?

6 Ways To Drive Your Mommy Crazy

1) Follow Mommy everywhere she goes. Sit outside the bathroom door and bark while she goes potty or takes a shower.

2) Sit in the corner and bark at the wall. When Mommy asks what's wrong, move to another corner and bark there.

3) Steal Mommy's car keys from her purse. Chew on the black beepy thing until her car alarm goes off. Then run and hide her keys.

4) Open the kitchen cupboards, take out all of the plastic containers and lids, and spread them all around the house. Make sure you lick all of the pieces so Mommy has to wash them again.

5) Bark to go outside. When you get outside, sit at Mommy's feet for a minute and give her the "OK, now what?" look. Then bark to go inside.

6) Repeat #5 forty-leven times an hour.

Me and Scout promise that if you do these things your Mommy will not only pay attention to you, she will give you biscuits and take you for walks and play catch.


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Monday, May 24, 2010

Mommy caught a bird inside a restaurant!

Mommy is a bird catching hero today! She went to meet her friend Robbi to have breakfast at Panera the bread place and while they were eating a bird flew by. Inside the restaurant!

Mommy laughed and laughed and laughed, but no one even tried to catch the bird. The bird flew into a window that wasn't near a door, and then he was sitting on the floor looking out trying to figure out how to get outside. There was a big man sitting right there and he got scared and moved away like a fraidy boy.

So Mommy took a bread basket and trapped the birdie and then reached in and took him out with her hands and carried him outside and let him go.

Everyone who worked there thanked Mommy, because they didn't know how to catch the bird. But no one offered to pay for her coffee.

Yay for Mommy! She learned how to catch birds by chasing chickens. That's another reason you should have chickens. That and eggs.


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No dogs allowed at weddings

Boo on weddings. Mommy's Uncle Al and his love Roxanne - the dog washer!!!! - got married on Saturday and no dogs were allowed.

Roxanne said she would have let us come but I guess the wedding place doesn't want dogs there. You know, worms and germs and all.

But they do allow field mice, which I don't think is fair. One ran right across the dance floor when no one was looking except Daddy and the guitar man. Daddy said the mouse probably wasn't invited but I think he just didn't want to hurt our feelings.

But we got to see pictures! Roxanne looked beautiful and Uncle Al was handsome. It was very windy that day. Mommy said everyone had a doggone good time.

Boo on country clubs. They are puppy fun wreckers. We'll have to go to Roxanne and Uncle Al's house and chew stuff over there instead.


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Friday, May 21, 2010

Mommy feels icky and Bandit's worms are gone

So after Mommy took us to the park the other day, when Scout swam in the fountain, she went home and chopped up some trees. And the next morning, she woke up and her eye was all poofed up and she had a weird bite mark next to her eye. So she went to the doctor, who said Gee, I don't know what bit you.

Mommy got bit by a mystery bug.

The doctor said she thought it looked a teeny bit infected so she gave Mommy some antibugs medicine. Then, just for fun, she shot Mommy in the arm with something called a tetnus shot because Mommy didn't have one of those in a long while and the doctor thought that would be a nice surprise.

But the doctor didn't have to give Mommy flea or worm medicine. Which is good.

Well, today, Mommy got up and said she was feeling icky. She was too icky to take us for a walk but not too icky to go to the credit union.

When she came home she said, I feel like a bus ran me over. She looked pretty good for being ran over by a bus. Then we got it. Mommy is sick! God turned up her inside furnace a little bit so she has a fever and she hurts all over and she is one tired out Mommy.

The bad news for Mommy is that she will probably feel icky today and maybe tomorrow.

The good news is that I do not have worms any more. Yay for me! I hope my worms didn't leave me and go into Mommy. That would be bad. Can you give your Mommy worms if you drink from her teacup?

Hey. Do you think you could come over and play with me and Scout? We need some running around time and I'm tired of emptying out the tupperware cupboard.


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Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Guess who was bad at the park today!

Mommy took me and Scout to the really nice park today. It was great! The grass was really soft and squishy and the trees made lots of shade. Look at how pretty it is!

But somebody was bad at the park. And guess what? It wasn't me!!

When Mommy turned around, Scout went and jumped into the fountain! Hahaha, it was great! I thought about doing it too, but I found some great junk to eat in the grass instead while Mommy was hauling Scout's wet tail out of the water.

So we had a great time at the park today. This is a good park for puppies.

Love Bandit (& Scout!)

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Tuesday, May 18, 2010

When writers aren't sure what to write about

For a while, I said "this blog had moved," and directed people to the Notes from the Funny Farm blog.

But then I realized - sometimes I just want to write about writing, and whine about being lazy or not having ideas. And that doesn't really mesh well with stories about dogs, cats, and chickens.

So guess what. I'll keep this blog up and running. If for no other reason than everyone needs a place to whine.

[NOTE: this post was supposed to be on MY blog but I mixed up and posted it here. - Mommy]

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Bandit writes another letter to Bo Obama about how much a dog costs

Dear Bo,

Howdy, paw pal! How are you? How are book sales going since my last letter?

I saw a story in the news yesterday that your daddy the President had to tell the country how much you were worth. And he said $1600.

Bo, is that the regular price the farmer charged or the discounted price? Because you'd think the farmer would have given Old Senator Kennedy a discount since you already went through one family before you moved to the White House.

It's nothing to be ashamed of. Me and my brother Scout were both discounted leftover puppies. How much you cost isn't important. It's how much you are loved.

Are you getting enough love at the White House? We never see you with your daddy the President. Our Mommy takes us with her all the time because life is just more fun with a dog or two at your side. Maybe he doesn't want to get dog hair on Air Force One or he's afraid you'll eat his Blackberry?

By the way, if you ride on Air Force One, do they let you ride in the regular part of the plane or do they stuff you in with the suitcases? Because I heard about this dog Paco who got lost at an airport in Mexico because the airplane people made him ride with the suitcases instead of inside with his daddy. Boo on that, Bo. Hopefully you get to ride in the nice part of the plane and eat kibble on gold plates with the rest of the family.

I hope those two nice little girls give you gazillion amounts of love every day. If not, you can come and live with us and our cat brother and our chickens. We get loved a lot over here.

So I also see that your daddy the President makes forty-leven gazillion million dollars a year. Do you think he might be willing to share some of those dollars? Mommy went to the Rochester city animal shelter yesterday because she wants to volunteer there. And they could really use some dollars to buy dog food and stuff. Maybe your family would like a cat? They have a lot of cats who need families.

Anyway, let me know when you want me and Scout to come over and have a pawjama party in good ole Abe Lincoln's bedroom. We promise to get baths first so we don't mess up the sheets on his bed.

Your friend!!

PS - Hey, Bo! Mommy just told me that Abe Lincoln is dead, and so is Senator Kennedy. Gee, that's too bad. But guess what? I met a lady the other day who says she can talk to dead spirits. So maybe we can invite old Abe to the pawjama party in his bedroom and also ask Senator Kennedy if he got a price break from the farmer.

Bark to you later!

Mommy might volunteer at the city shelter
Scout reads Bandit Bo Obama's new book & Bandit sends another letter to the First Dog
Dog gets lost at Mexican airport

Monday, May 17, 2010

Our fraidy dog adventure

So Scout was having a fraidy dog night because someone on the street was shooting off fireworks tonight. Scout didn't want to go outside to potty or anything. He just wanted to hide.

So Mommy thought we should go do something fun so Scout would forget about being scared. So she hooked up our leashes and put our Glo-balls in her jacket pocket and walked us to the park. For the second time today!

We played catch and then we played a new game called Mommy has the ball! Chase her! We were having a lot of fun.

And then the kids from the baseball game came out of the park and one of them started throwing rocks at a street sign and zoooom! Scout got scared and started running away to go home. Without me or Mommy!

Mommy yelled Scout! Stop! and he stopped. Mommy started to walk to get his leash. But right then the kid threw another stone and zoom! Scout was gone again. He ran so fast he got past the trees where Mommy couldn't see him anymore, right up the road. So she just started running fast to get him.

When Mommy got around the corner, a boy on crutches had Scout! The boy was out for a walk and saw Scout and heard Mommy yelling and he snagged the leash. Yay for the boy on crutches!!!

Mommy said Thank you! Thank you! And then Mommy realized that she'd left me back at the park! Oh no, where's Bandit?

But guess what? When Mommy started running away after Scout, I chased her, just like she taught me with the Chase the Mommy game. So when she got Scout and turned around, ta da! I was right there!

I'm a very good puppy.

So we walked back to the park and got our Glo-balls and then we walked home with the baseball kids. Because one of them is Jason who lives next door and we love him a lot. And he is not the one who scared Scout with the rocks on the sign.

The kids can't help it. Scout is a fraidy dog. You never know what might scare him silly. He is afraid of chickens, after all.

Anyway, we are home safe and sound and are getting ready for bed, all snuggled up safe with Mommy.


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Bandit helps Mommy fill out her volunteer application & gets attacked by a hamburger bun bag

Look! I'm a big helper! I helped Mommy fill out her application to volunteer at the shelter. Do you think I did a good job?

After I helped Mommy, I went to have a snack. I found some hamburger buns in a bag; hey, that's a good snack! So I ate them. But when I got to the bottom of the bag, I couldn't get my head out! And every time I tried to breathe in, the plastic got stuck around my nose and ears.

I didn't want Mommy to get mad at me for eating the buns so I tried to run and hide, except she saw me and took the bag off my head.

Just in case you didn't know, if you get a plastic hamburger bag stuck on your nose you could not breathe anymore and die. Help, Mommy! You saved me!!

I need to find safer snacks. Hamburger buns are even trickier than computer mouses.


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Mommy might volunteer at the city shelter

Mommy went out today and when she came home she smelled like dogs and cats that me and Scout don't know.

She explained that she went to the Rochester Animal Services, which is the animal care shelter for the city of Rochester, to see if she wants to volunteer there. That's how come she smelled like strange animals.

Just in case you didn't know, the Rochester Animal Services is sort of like Lollypop Farm, except it's part of the Rochester Police Department. They don't have a lot of money or stuff for animals, so they need a lot of volunteers and donations. That's what the Verona Street Animal Society does.

Mommy met a volunteer named Jane today. Jane plays with cats and kittens every day on her lunch hour from work. In fact, there were a couple of people there who spend their lunch hour walking dogs or mopping floors or petting kittens.

Mommy said the dogs that are available for adoption are sooo cute and sooo nice. (But not cuter than us!) She was surprised how nice they were!

Like a dog named Shasta who can't hear. She is a very special dog who needs special care. But Mommy said Shasta is very calm and likes to look into your eyes, so she thinks Shasta will be eager to learn how to talk to a new mommy or daddy.

All of the dogs were very friendly and liked people and really wanted to just go home.

One lady came just to see the puppies, and met one that was just getting back from a walk. She scrunched down and the puppy came over to her and put his head on her lap and said, "Please take me home."

Me and Scout talked it over and we decided it's OK to share our Mommy with puppies and kitties that are inbetween homes. It's only for a couple of hours a week. And we like that our Mommy has enough love to share with dogs who are inbetween families.

If you want to adopt a new puppy or dog or kitten or cat, go to the Rochester Animal Services and see what animals are looking for new families! Maybe one of them will pick you!


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Sunday, May 16, 2010

We end the day at the park!

Mommy took us to the park and we ran and played catch and practiced puppy school and wore ourselves out.


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Bandit goes to the Rochester Pet Expo

Today I had a super big ginormous adventure. Mommy and Daddy took me to the Pet Expo!

Scout didn't get to come and that's all Daddy's fault. Mommy said she didn't think she could take two dogs by herself, so if Daddy came he would have to watch Scout. And Daddy said he wanted to come but he didn't think Scout would enjoy it so he should stay home.

What's not to enjoy! Friends, treats, and lots and lots of smells!!

I met a lot of dogs there. Some were little, some were giant, some were in baby carriages.

I met one super duper nice dog whose mommy couldn't hear with her ears, just like Dr. Dodge at the hospital! 

The mommy's friend could hear with her eyeballs, so she would see what Mommy and Daddy's lips were saying and then she would use her hands to talk to her friend. Mommy said that it is finally about time she learns how to talk with her hands because she doesn't like when she isn't able to talk to deaf people. I think that's a good idea, Mommy.

We talked to the lady from the animal hospital where Dr. Dodge and Dr. Simon Kirk - who took care of me after I ate Mommy's inhaler - work. She gave Mommy a new poop bag holder, which we needed.

We talked to a nice man named Ralph, who gave me and Scout some new healthy food to try. Thanks Ralph! There were other people there from Pet Saver Super Store, our favorite pet store on earth.

I met some nice kittens but they were taking a nap in a cage.

The kitten lady gave me lots of love. She works for Habitat for Cats and they try to take care of cats who live in neighborhoods but don't really have any homes. They take them and spay or neuter them. Ouch. But it helps the cats not make such a giant mess in the neighborhood or have more kittens that don't get taken care of.

Just in case you didn't know, puppies are not supposed to jump up on the table to sniff the kittens. It makes them nervous.

Mommy talked for a while with Sherri Romig about stuff that could help Scout be not so scared without making him all drugged up.

Mommy also talked to the people at the Verona Street Shelter. Did you know that is part of the Rochester Police Department? I know someone on the police force! He is a police dog named Bandit! The shelter needs vounteers so Mommy says she is going to visit and see if she wants to volunteer there.

There was even a pet psychic lady there who knows stuff about you that you she isn't supposed to know, and then you pay her money and she tells you what she knows. She also helps people talk to dead spirits, which is kind of scary. I think she was faking, though, because she kept on calling me a girl. If she can't even tell the difference between a girl and a boy, I don't know how she can talk to dead spirits.

Mommy and Daddy had a lot of fun talking to Mary Ann and her husband. They are very, very funny and they have a pretty dog. Daddy took her picture but he forgot her name.

Mary Ann and her husband are thinking about getting another dog. If Scout was there, he would say, "Don't do it!" Hahaha! Be careful, Mary Ann! If you get another dog, it could turn out to be a stinker like me!

Actually, I was a very, very good boy at the Pet Expo. I didn't bark or bite or potty inside the building. OK, I did jump up on every table but they all had treats out for the puppies! If you don't want puppies to jump on tables, don't put out forty-leven biscuits for us to sniff.

Everyone was super nice at the Pet Expo and all of the dogs were really friendly, too. Well, except for one lady with her fluffy white sled dog. He sniffed me as I walked by, so I sniffed him back, and his mommy said to my Mommy, "You know, not all dogs are friendly," and she pulled her dog away from me.

Just in case you didn't know, if your dog is not friendly you should not bring it to the pet expo where there will be seventy-leven other dogs. In fact, if you are not a nice lady, you shouldn't have a dog at all.

Anyway, that was my adventure day. Scout was very sad we didn't take him with us, but we brought home lots of treats. He sniffed me all over and I guess that was enough for him. But I still think he would have had fun.


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Saturday, May 15, 2010

Scout reads Bandit Bo Obama's new book & Bandit sends another letter to the First Dog

Dear Bo Obama,

Hi, paw pal! How's life in the White House?

My brother Scout read me your new book today. I guess I know now why it took so long for you to go live at the White House. It wasn't because you had to go to puppy school first. You should have just wrote me back a letter. You don't have to be embarrassed.

The book says that after you were born in Texas, you went to live with a family and that you didn't get along there and had to go back to live with the farmer.

Bo, tell me the truth. What did you do that made them send you back?

I need to know because Mommy is always saying that if I don't stop being bad she's going to send me back to Kim's farm. I don't think she really will. I mean, I've done some pretty bad stuff and she still loves me.

I've chewed up a lot of her clothes. I ate some books and papers and magazines. I put big teeth marks in her get-money-from-the-machine card. I pooped in the house. I ate medicine from her purse and made her spend about forty-leven million dollars at the vet. I hog the whole bed, put dirt on the sheets, and fight all the time with my brother. I'm a barkaholic. And I eat poop and have worms a lot.

Whatever you did must have been pretty bad, so I need to know how bad I can be before Mommy really does send me back to the farm.

Anyway, I hope you sell a  bazillion books. It's got a lot of pretty pictures and it tastes pretty good so I think people will like it.

Maybe now your daddy the President will finally put your picture up on the White House website and give you a party for being with the First Family for more than a year. You're way overdo for a party.

Let me know when you want us to come over and run around in the Rose Garden!

Your friend,

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Me and Mommy have tummy aches

I woke up Mommy during the night to tell her that I had a tummy ache and I needed her to take care of me. I didn't barf, but I did go outside a few times and finally I took a poop and felt a little better.

Mommy had a tummy ache too, so after she helped me feel better she stayed up reading a book because she thought she was going to barf. But she didn't.

Finally she turned off the light and me and Scout laid down right on top of her and stuck our noses in her face and we all went back to sleep.

Me and Mommy feel a little bit better this morning, except Mommy didn't eat her breakfast because it made her feel sick again. She let Scout eat her oatmeal.

She said her barfy tummy is coming from her achy head. I don't know how an ache in your head can make your tummy hurt. I usually have a tummy ache when something in my tummy is trying to get out. But I guess that's what makes mommies and puppies different. Mommies have heads that hurt in their tummies.

I had rice and a nice scrambled egg for breakfast and I feel great enough to go bark at my friends.  But I have a feeling today may be big nap day for everyone.


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Thursday, May 13, 2010

Mommy tells us she loves us. A lot.

Today Mommy told me and Scout that we are the smartest, handsomest, fluffiest, most loyal, best dogs in the whole wide world, and that we make her so happy that her heart might explode from all the happy we put in it, and that she loves us more than any puppies in the whole history of the world ever got loved by their mommies.

Well, she didn't say it exactly like that.

She hugged me and Scout tight and buried her nose in our neck fur, and then she kissed us on our heads and gave us a biscuit.

But we know what she meant.


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Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Bandit is attacked by a mouse

Mommy's computer in her office is run by gerbils, but the traveling computer is run by a mouse. Mommy holds the mouse in her hand and makes it walk all around and help her find stuff on the computer. I don't know if she has to feed it a lot of cheese to make it work. I think it just eats cookie crumbs.

Mommy's car is run by cats. I know that because when the car fixer man made the big noise go away he said now her car purrs like a kitten. But he said she needs to save some money to get her cat lick converter fixed. I don't know how cat kisses make her car go, but I guess that's how it works.

Anyway, today I was walking by the table and Mommy's computer mouse jumped off and tried to tie up my legs and then it bonked me on my head. And when I tried to run away it followed me and made a lot of noise.

It was very scary. And then it did the same thing to Scout!

Scout is usually a big fraidy dog, but after he got attacked by the computer mouse he went back to see Mommy. But I am staying far, far away from that mouse. It is not like the mouses I've seen in books I've eaten. I don't know if Murphy can make it go away but he said he would try.

Watch out for computer mouses. They are dangerous and tricky.


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Dog gets lost at Mexican airport

The news reported today that a man's dog got lost at an airport in Mexico when the man was flying to Canada.

The man put his puppy, whose name is Paco, into his puppy flying crate, gave him to the airplane people, and then poof! Paco got out and ran away! Right on the runways where the planes were!

The man and all of the people from the airplane looked for Paco. But they can't find him. Paco is missing in Mexico.

Poor puppy's daddy. He probably misses Paco a lot.

I bet that what happened is that Paco decided he didn't want to get stuffed into a box and packed in the stinky, noisy part of the airplane with the suitcases. So he opened up his crate and ran like the wind.

I wouldn't want to ride on the stinky part of the plane either. I would want to sit with Mommy in a regular seat and talk to the flight attendant and eat free peanuts and magazines and look out the window.

And I would not want to fly to Canada. I watch "Deadliest Catch." And I watched the Winter Olympics. I know how cold it is in Canada. Brrr. It is not a fun place for a little puppy, especially one without a lot of fur.

Maybe Paco met a girl puppy while he was on vacation in Mexico and he decided to stay with her instead of going back to Canada. Paco and his girlfriend are probably sitting on the beach lapping barkaritas and eating nachos.

They should send Paco's daddy a postcard so he knows his puppy is A-OK.


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Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Rover was a bad, bad boy

Dear Rover,

Me and my brother Scout are spokesdogs for Faceless International. We help teach people about human trafficking and modern slavery.

Our friend Lori told me about your radio show and how you and your friends were joking about how great it would be to buy your own sex slave. I don't think that's a very funny joke.

Girls who are sex slaves are forced to do terrible things that they do not want to do. They are taken from their mommies and get sold like puppies, but they are not even treated as good as puppies.

Human trafficking hurts other people very badly and it's not a polite thing to joke about. We are supposed to love each other and protect each other, not hurt each other.

Rover, you should know that as a dog with a radio show you have a lot of responsibility to be a good role model for other puppies and people. And I think you stunk up the airwaves with that joke.

If you want, me and Scout can give you some information about human trafficking so you can learn more about how bad it is. Just give us a bark and let us know!

Your pal,

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Daddy gets locked in the coop again!

Daddy was in the coop making a new perch for the hens and Mommy came out to take some pictures. When she was done, she closed the door and went in the house.

A few minutes later, the phone rang. And it was Daddy, calling from his cell phone! She locked the coop door on him and he was stuck in there with the chickens.

Hahahaha, Daddy!


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Scout goes to school

I hate Tuesdays because that is the day that Mommy and Scout go to school and read with Jason.

Boo. I have to stay home and that is not fair.

Scout says he has a lot of fun at school. While he waited for Jason today, Scout played with a toy and read a magazine.

Then Jason came to the library and they played puppy and best friend for a while.

I stayed home with Daddy and waited at the gate until Mommy came home. She dropped Scout off and then went to the store and when she came back she brought me and Scout Tim Bits from Tim Hortons.

So I forgive her for leaving me home. This time.


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We have a murder mystery in the back yard

Yesterday, Mommy found a dead bird in the driveway. She said it was a baby bird that either fell out of his nest or was stolen by one of the dirty crows who are hogging all the seeds in the birdfeeder because crows steal baby sparrows and eat them for lunch.

Well, Daddy was home today and he found another dead bird in the driveway. And then he found another one, and he thought I killed them both!

He thought there was a bird's nest in the garage and that I was taking the babies out of their nest. So he told me to go into the garage and show him the baby birds.

Daddy, I know you are a smart man, but maybe you didn't know that birds live in trees. It's chipmunks that live in the garage.

I can't climb the tree to the bird's nest so I took him into the garage to show him where the chipmunks live. Daddy said Aha! And then he went into the house and told Mommy that he thinks I murdered two baby birds.

I'm sad that Daddy thinks I would kill baby birds. Daddy! I am not a birderer!

OK, one time I did catch a pigeon in my mouth. But I didn't kill him. I just wanted to show Mommy the pretty bird I found. Plus I was just a puppy and I didn't know any better.

And there was the time the chicken put its head in my mouth. That was not my fault.

I would not kill a bird. I wouldn't even kill a chipmunk. Although if I caught him I would have to whack him on the head and tell him to stop making all that racket in the rain pipes.

Daddy looked all over the garage and he can't find a bird's nest. But he did find where the chipmunks are tearing up stuff. Ha, Daddy! See, I told you birds don't live in the garage.

I don't know who the birderer is but it is NOT me.


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Monday, May 10, 2010

New pictures of Scout and Bandit

Mommy is doing the 365 Project, where she posts a picture every day. Yesterday she did a picture of me! It's a good one. You should go look at it.

But she thought you might like to see more pictures of me and Scout. We are cute dogs even if we do stink.

And since you don't get to see him too much, here is our cat brother, Murphy. He's the greatest cat brother in the whole world.


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Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Mommy Day!

Today is Happy Mommy Day, the day that you are supposed to do stuff to make your mommy happy.

Scout said that Mommy would be happy if we didn't wake her up at 6:30 in the morning to go potty, so I woke her up at 4 instead! Wasn't that nice of me?

Then we gave her a card that Daddy helped us pick out. It was a funny card with two puppies arguing about who loved their mommy more and then they get into a fight. Hahaha, it's hilarious!

I tried to help Mommy do some laundry but when I brought the dirty clothes down to the living room Daddy said that was not a nice thing to do. I guess mommies like doing all of the laundry themselves.

Then Mommy, me and Scout went to visit our Mommy's mommy - Grandma! - while Daddy went to visit his mommy, Nana. We brought Grandma a pretty plant and one for Daddy to take to his mommy, too.

Other than the dog food store, Grandma's house is the happiest place to go because that's where Dali is sometimes. And there's are lots of dog toys and food and stuff. And Grandma lets us jump on the couch and eat the left over dog food and kiss her lots. And Grandma has the biggest yard in the world and me and Scout just ran and ran and visited the neighbors.  It was great!

You should know that if you have a good Mommy she probably had a good mommy, too. And our Mommy is great because we have the greatest Grandma ever in the history of Grandmas!

After we got done making Grandma happy, we went home and Mommy took a nap. She napped for like forty eleven hours but I kept poking my nose in her eye to tell her, You don't have to worry about us, Mommy! We're being good puppies while you nap!

Mommy finally woke up and washed the dishes and now Daddy is ordering us pizza and wings and we're going to keep making Mommy happy until bedtime. I am going to sing her her favorite song, too.

I hope you made your mommy as happy as we made our Mommy today on Happy Mommy Day! Don't forget to tell your mommy that you love her!


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