Help us win a new lawn

We don't even had a lawn to lack luster.

Mommy entered our back yard in a beauty contest! It's called the "Lackluster Lawn" contest. Except we don't have any lawn to lack luster.
Me and Scout and Bailey like our lawn just like it is, but that's because we like to be dirty and stinky. Mommy says she's tired of the dirt blowing in through the windows and of us pups making her sheets all muddy and of not being able to use the backyard because it's so blechy.

She says if we don't get some grass before summer she is going to run away and join the circus and become one of those people who sells cotton candy during the elephant show because it is less dirty than our backyard.



Bailey says she would like to have some grass since Mommy won't let her eat the tulips.

 Mommy says the beauty contest isn't a voting contest but you can tell the nice judges that we really need a new lawn. Mommy thought we were going to be the worst lawn, but guess what? There are a lot of other people with stupid, blechy yards, too! Our entry is "Desperately Seeking Lawn" and me and Bailey are in the picture.

Love
Bandit, the world famous dog!

PS: The fence and upside down chairs are covering up the tulips. They are the only green things that grow in our yard but Bailey eats them so Mommy has to hide them.



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Murphy has poodle paws

Murphy and his poodle paws!

Hahaha, when Murphy went to get his teeth taken out, they had to shave his legs! He has poodle paws! (Me and Scout are trying to figure out how they got his teeth out through is legs. That must have hurt a lot.)

Our pal Henrietta the poodle asked us, What is wrong with poodle paws?

Nothing. If you're a poodle. And a girl!!

Love
Bandit

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How we helped Mommy unaccomplish stuff

After her bath, Bailey went to sit in front of the heater. That's her favorite spot.

This week, Mommy gave me and Scout and Bailey baths. She is a tricky one, that Mommy.

On Wednesday night, she gave us all a brushing. Which usually means that we're out of the clear for baths. We get one or the other, but we're too wild to have both.

Plus, Mommy isn't feeling good. So she has only had enough energy to snuggle on the couch with Murphy and Bailey this week.

But on Thursday morning, Mommy tricked us and gave us baths.

The dog that gets the first bath always gets the longest bath because Mommy says she is feeling something called ambition. Scout gets the first bath because he has the most fur and Mommy needs the most ambition.

When he was done, then I got the second bath, because I don't have as much fur and by that time Mommy's back hurts and she keeps saying, "This was a dumb idea." Yes, Mommy. Baths are a dumb idea.

But then when we were done, Bailey got a bath! She was scared of the bath, so while Mommy was soaping her up, me and Scout made her an escape plan. I went in and whispered in her ear that I would start to cry and Mommy would come to see what was wrong and then she should jump out of the tub and run away fast!

Except that Bailey has hardly any fur and Mommy was very tired, so Bailey was done with her bath really fast. Plus, when she was done, Bailey got wrapped up in a towel and Mommy cuddled her like a baby. Bailey liked that. Blech. Girls are stupid.

While we shook our wet fur all over the bathroom and the hallway and the living room, Mommy took a shower. Then she took us pups out to potty before she got back on the couch for snuggling.

While Mommy brought Bailey back in the house, me and Scout decided to be bad. We ran around in the dirt. When Mommy came out to get us, we were nice and dirty and stinky again. Ha!

Mommy said that at least she accomplished something, even if it got unaccomplished a few minutes later.

Glad we could help, Mommy!

Love,
Bandit!

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Bailey did not break her leg

It was Snuggle Central at our house this week.

Mommy and Murphy and Bailey had a lot of snuggle time this week

Just so you know, Bailey did not break her leg. She just ouched it super good. Dr. Hawkins took picures of Bailey's bones and said, "No break!" So she wrapped it up and gave her ouch medicine and said Bailey has to rest for a couple of weeks.

Hahaha! She thinks Bailey will not romp for a couple of weeks? Me and Scout laughed.

Except Mommy is really making Bailey not romp. She has to go out to potty on a leash. And she and Mommy snuggle on the couch all day. Murphy snuggles with them.

Boo on that.

Just in case you didn't know, Murphy had to have two teeth taken out of his mouth. He had to have sleepy medicine. When Mommy and Daddy went to pick him up, Jaime the vet tech told them that Murphy would be sleepysleepysleepy and not to worry.

Except that Murphy was not sleepysleepysleepy. He was crazy out of control! He was purring really loud and he had happy paws and he was jumping around on everything in the house and chasing mouses that weren't there. Mommy said they must have given him an IV of catnip and she would like some of that medicine, too.

But he had to rest his kitty self, which is why he and Mommy and Bailey had snuggle times all week. Plus, Mommy has a cold.

So me and Scout couldn't have any fun times this week because Bailey got hurt and Murphy had teeth taken out and Mommy had a cold and she feels icky.

Plus we had to get baths. I'll tell you about that later. It was a stupid week.

Love
BANDIT

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Bailey ouches another paw!

Bailey has a boo boo wrap on her leg. They take good care of you at the emergency vet office!

Bailey ouched herself today. Well, I kind of helped. But it was a pretty big ouch this time.

I didn't mean to hurt Bailey. We were just doing some wild maniac romping in the back yard while Mommy went back to bed and Daddy was outside doing some yard stuff.

I ran past Bailey and she fell and then I stepped on her back leg and she cried YEEEEEOOOWWW!!

Me and Scout and Daddy ran to see if she was OK. And then we got Mommy.

Mommy and Daddy took  Bailey to the emergency hospital. The doctor said that Bailey might have a broken leg or she might just have an ouchy leg or she might have yanked some stuff in her leg that needs an operation or she might wake up tomorrow and be all better.

The doctor said Mommy should take Bailey to see Dr. Hawkins tomorrow for xrays because it will cost about fortyleven billion less dollars. But he did put a big boo boo wrap on Bailey's leg to keep it safe til tomorrow.

When they came home, me and Scout ran to see Bailey. Scout took one sniff of her leg and said, "Blech. I remember that smell. It smells like five weeks of no fun." I said, "Hey, I remember those smells. I smell Santa." That's because when I went to the hospital and stayed over night I got to meet Santa.

Mommy says that she can't get any writing done with us dogs and we're costing her and Daddy an arm and a leg. I hope not, because Mommy and Daddy need those arms and legs to play catch with us.

Anyway, I'll let you know tomorrow if Bailey has to have no fun for lots of weeks or if she can romp again with us soon.

Love
Bandit

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Bailey ouches her paw

Mommy took us pups to the park today to romp around. Except Bailey was running and she hurt her paw. Or maybe she hurt her paw yesterday and today was the first time Mommy saw it.

Either way, Bailey was ouched!

She limped. She laid down and licked her paw. And when we got home she got into Scout's cave and stayed there all day.

So Mommy took Bailey to see Dr. Hawkins. She gave Bailey some ouch medicine. And while she was there, Bailey got her rabies shot.

Mommy says that we are going to end up living in Daddy's new truck if we don't stop spending all of Daddy's money. I told her that would never happen! We would go live at Grandma's house! Hahahaha!!

So Bailey can't romp for a few days. Which means she can't chase me and jump on my head. Yay.

Love
Bandit

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We make an escape

Mommy went to the grocery store and left us dogs home alone with Daddy. That was not a good idea, Mommy.

Daddy was doing something icky with the gutters on the roof. When he opened the gate to move the ladder, Bailey snuck out. Daddy hurried to try and catch her and forgot to close the gate. So me and Scout snuck out, too.

Bailey went in one direction to visit Flow, and me and Scout went in the other direction to pee on Wayne's shrubs.

Flow brought Bailey home, and me and Scout thought about going down to the park for a while. But we decided to just go home and not get Daddy into too much trouble. Plus, we hadn't had dinner yet and we were hungry.

Next time, maybe we should just go to the store with Mommy.

Love
Bandit

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Bandit is bad but Bailey gets in trouble

I learned a new trick this week. I steal something of Mommy's - like a sock or a book - and then I give it to Bailey and let her get in trouble for having it.

Except Mommy said she knows it was me stealing stuff. Mostly because Bailey isn't big enough to steal silverware from the sink.

Rats. I'll have to figure out another way to get her in trouble.

Love,
Bandit

PS: Bailey has decided that she likes to sleep in all of the caves and me and Scout told her to go ahead. Scout has Mommy's whole office for himself and my cave has a bear in it. So Mommy said she spent a lot of money on what are basically end tables where Bailey can sleep.

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Bandit and his new cave

Last night, Mommy took the door off of my cave to prove that she is not going to wham it shut and lock me in and go on adventures without me. But I think the bear is still in there so I told her that I was not going in.

Today she used chicken to trick us all into going into our caves. Bailey and Scout both went right in to their cave and they let Mommy shut the doors on them. Then she fed them chicken like they were animals at the zoo. They wagged their tails and said, Thanks for the great treat, Mommy!

Boo on that.

While Mommy tricked Bailey and Scout, I just went into the kitchen and got myself a treat from the chicken container on the counter.

Mommy is going to have to be trickier than me if she wants to get me to go into that scary cave.

Love
Bandit

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Bandit reminds Bailey which dog is in charge

Just in case you didn't know, sometimes dogs will go potty on something to remind the other dogs who is in charge.

Today I peed on Bailey's head. I hope she gets the message.

Love
Bandit

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We get new caves

Bailey likes her new cave. What does she know? She's just a stupid girl.

 Mommy bought us new caves today. She said these are the places we are supposed to go when we need to get away from each other. It is not punishment; it is our own quiet place.

Scout likes his cave. Bailey likes her cave.

I hate my cave. It is dark and scary and I think there is a bear in there. And I am sure that as soon as I get my whole body in there Mommy is going to wham the door shut and lock me in and go on an adventure without me. Even though she promises that's not what she is going to do.

I'm not going in there not matter how much chicken Mommy throws in. The bear can eat it.

Love,
Bandit

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It's sick week at the Funny Farm

Remember last week when I told you that we had special marrow bone treats? Guess what? After those treats, all of us dogs have been sick.

Bailey had emergency poop the first night we had them on Monday.

I had emergency poop when we finished them on Wednesday. Then I had mystery barf yesterday.

Scout had mystery barf AND emergency poop on Thursday and Friday, and he had emergency poop on Sunday. He took a day off on Saturday.

Dr. B and Dr Hawkins said that the bones are too rich for our tummies, and Dr. Herrema also said they probably have yucky bacteria stuff because they are raw.

Blech.

Mommy has been picking up barf and emergency poop for a week. She said at least only one dog at a time was sick. We have only been eating rice and chicken or beef for breakfast and dinner. We tried some dog food mixed in but it made our bellies feel icky again. Mommy has been playing Dr. Doolittle. It's fun. For us, anyway.


The new rule is NO MARROW BONES for us dogs. We can have Kongs and Nylabones and ... well, those are pretty much the only toys we don't rip apart in five minutes.
 
So just in case you didn't know, marrow bones will probably give you mystery barfs and emergency poops. But if you get mystery barf and emergency poop, you get to eat special food. So it's not all bad.
 
Love,
Bandit
 
Visit Mommy's NEW dog blog, Bark Around Town, the blog about the Rochester dog community. And don't forget to follow us on Twitter!