Today was Everybody Get Your Checkup Day!

"Don't worry, Murphy! Dr. Hawkins is not scary!"

Today was Everybody Get Your Checkup Day, which meant that Murphy got stuffed into his carrier and me and him went to see Dr Hawkins to get our bellies squeezed and our teeth inspected and get shots shot into our butts. And then when we were done, Mommy took us home and then Bailey had to go and get herself checked up, too.

Murphy got scared when they took me away to suck out some blood.

Murphy is scared of going to the vet but he said he wasn't as scared since I was there with him. I'm a good boy at the vet, even though they sucked out some of my blood to do experiments on to see if I have a wormy heart.

Murphy has an ouchy tooth that has to get yanked out when Mommy has about fortyleventy dollars.  And I got weighed and Dr Hawkins said I gained seven pounds since October.

This is how Dr. Hawkins looks inside of your ears.
I think she can see all the way to my brain but I am not sure.

I think that means I am fat. So now I have to have not as many treats and less food and more walks.

Mommy said Bailey was a super duper good girl, which I don't believe because she is usually a bad, barking girl. But Mommy said Bailey didn't bark and she did tricks for everyone and the girls kept saying, "Bailey is being a very good girl!" And when some people came in with a cat, she only barked a little.

Bailey did not stink up the big waiting room. She waited until
she got into the little checkup room! Peee-eew!

But hahaha, Bailey had a lot of gas!! She farted a bunch of times and stunk up the whole room! I wish I was there because that would have made me and Murphy laugh a lot. Scout would have liked it, too.

Anyway, Bailey had to get some blood sucked out for a wormy heart test, and Dr. Hawkins checked Bailey's ouchy hips. She does not need to have a diet.

Just in case you didn't know, Everybody Get Your Checkup Day costs about eleventy million dollars but it is imporant to make sure that us animals are healthy. Mommy would not have known Murphy had a ouchy tooth or that I wasn't fluffier because my fur was more squisher but because I was fluffier in my belly.

I think if I have to lose pounds Mommy needs to lose pounds, too. What do you think about that?

Love BANDIT!!!

Visit Mommy's new Heavenly Creatures blog about animals and faith at Patheos.com. And don't forget to follow me on Twitter!

Why me and Mommy should win the“Eukanuba Paws In Motion to BarkWorld” contest

I think me and Mommy need another road trip adventure!

You should know that Mommy entered a contest to win a free trip to the blogging conference called BarkWorld. If Mommy wins the trip, she gets to fly on an airplane and stay in a fancy hotel and have some fun times with her pet blogging pals.

No fair! I want to go to BarkWorld. It sounds like lots of fun. Kind of like Disney World, except with barking.


I like to stay in hotels. I get my own bed!


Just in case you forgot, I am a good dog to take on a trip. Remember? Last year I went with Mommy to another writing conference. I was a good boy in the hotel. I didn't pee inside or chew up anything and I only barked when I had something really, really important to say. I didn’t eat any food off the buffet table or chase any kitties. Not even the cat wearing a dress. Plus, I got to go to a movie and have popcorn and everything!



All that food and I didn't eat any of it.
I know you don't believe me, but it is the truth!

 Mommy says I can't go this time because this conference is far away and if she wins she will fly on an airplane. Just in case you didn’t know, they only let dogs on planes if they ride with the luggage. I am not a suitcase.

But guess what? Uncle Eric is a pilot who flies giant planes! Maybe I could ride up front with him. I am good at helping with maps and directions. And Uncle Eric never gets mad at anything, so even if I barfed on him while we were flying really fast, he would still love me.



I helped Mommy drive a dogmobile, so I could definitely help Uncle Eric drive a plane.
"OK, Mommy! That big truck is gone. You can back up now!"


I think Mommy should win a trip that pays for her hotel and gives her a dogmobile to drive so I can come, too. Our dogmobile is too grumbly to make it from New York to Georgia and we don’t have fortyleventeen thousand dollars to fix it. That way we can have a fun road trip and I can pee in a more than four states and visit all of our friends along the way and stay in a fancy hotel with my own bed and have a nice Mommy and Bandit vacation.

And my stupid sister Bailey can stay home with Daddy. Hahaha on you, Bailey!

Bailey can stay home with Daddy and breathe her poop breath in his face
while me and Mommy have another adventure.

I will let you know if the BarkWorld pals decide to let us win. I would be a good dog reporter, don’t you think?

Love,
BANDIT!!!

Visit Mommy's new Heavenly Creatures blog about animals and faith at Patheos.com. And don't forget to follow me on Twitter!

A walk in the cemetery

Me and Mommy at Pittsford cemetery.
I think the people who are asleep there like to have visitors.

Even though it was dark and rainy Mommy took me and Bailey for walks in the cemetery. I got two walks! First, we went to our regular cemetery. Then we went across the street to say hello to Mommy's friend John who is alseep in that cemetery. Then Mommy took me to a place called Mt. Hope Cemetery.

Mt. Hope Cemetery has a lot of something called history. That means there are about eleventygazillion people who are asleep there, including some famous people.



There are lots of gravestones to read at Mt. Hope Cemetery
.

 I didn't meet anyone famous. Me and Mommy just did some walking and and walking and walking until I was too tired to pee on any more trees. Really, I was too tired to even lift up my leg. Mt. Hope Cemetery is a big place!

Just in case you forgot, when you walk in the cemetery you are allowed to pee on the trees but you are not allowed to pee on the gravestones. And if you are a dog, you have to stay on your leash, too. (If you are a person, you don't need a leash. Unless you get lost easy. Then you should probably just stay in the car.)



"Don't be afraid, Mommy! I will protect you if something scary happens!"

Walking in the cemetery is fun. And even though it is very quiet there, you are never alone! But it is still good to have a dog to protect you, just in case.

Love
BANDIT!

Visit Mommy's new Heavenly Creatures blog about animals and faith at Patheos.com. And don't forget to follow me on Twitter!

I'm Bandit and I ride inside!

This is a picture I made for my pal Rusty, at DogsAgainstRomney.com. Do you ride inside with your Mommy or on top of your car like Mitt Romney's dog?

Visit Mommy's new Heavenly Creatures blog about animals and faith at Patheos.com. And don't forget to follow me on Twitter!

Bandit joins Dogs Against Romney!

You can visit Rusty at http://www.dogsagainstromney.com/.

I am not a politics kind of dog. I am a playing and romping and barking and blogging about fun stuff kind of dog. But Mommy told me a story this week about a man named Mitt Romney who is running for president of the United States.

Mitt Romney once had a dog named Seamus. And he took Seamus on a family vacation to Canada. Except there was no room in the car. So do you know what Mitt Romney did? He put Seamus in his dog crate and tied the crate to the top of the car and made Seamus ride up there!!

That is very scary. It is noisy and cold and windy on top of the car, especially if you are there for twelveteen hours. So you know that Seamus pooped in his crate because he was afraid. And when the poop rolled down on to the window, do you know what Mitt Romney did?

He took Seamus out of the crate. soaked him with the hose and soaked out his crate, and then stuffed Seamus back into the crate and kept driving!

This is Mitt Romney. I think he is waving
goodbye to Seamus. Boo on Mitt Romney.

He is one very, very not nice man. A nice man who loves his dog would not have made his dog ride on top of the car or drowned his dog with a hose and then stuffed him back into the crate in the wind to become a pupsicle.

When they got to Canada, Seamus ran away. Yay, Seamus! I hope he ran and ran until he found a nice Canadian family to take care of him.

When me and Mommy went to BlogPaws, I rode inside the dogmobile and helped her navigate. We listened to music and stopped at McDonalds and shared a Happy Meal and stayed overnight at Grandpa's house so I would not have to be stuck in a car for eleventymillion hours. Plus, we stopped so I could pee in New York, Pennsylvania, Maryland and Virginia. That is how you should travel with your dog.

Plus, when we got there, I got to sleep in my own bed in the hotel and eat in the dining room and lick stuff on the buffet table.

There is a dog named Rusty who has a website called DogsAgainstRomney.com. I like Rusty. I don't like Mitt Romney. I do not want a president who would do that to a dog and then think it's funny all these years later. If he would do that to a dog, what would he do to his people?

I will not vote for Mitt Romney on election day. And you know that I know how to vote. Remember? I went with Mommy last time and helped her fill out the paper and feed the voting machine.

So I am a Dogs Against Romney dog now. So is Bailey. And if Scout were here, he'd be one, too. Boo on Mitt Romney. I wonder if my pal Bo Obama likes Mitt Romney. I bet he doesn't either. Although Bo didn't get a party on his one year anniversary at the White House. But I don't think his daddy the president would make him ride on top of the car.

Love
BANDIT!!!!

Visit Mommy's new Heavenly Creatures blog about animals and faith at Patheos.com. And don't forget to follow me on Twitter!

I went to the romping palace and it was fun!

Remember last time, when I went to Miss Sheri's romping palace and all the dogs tried to sniff me at the same time and I got cranky and snappy and had to leave the party?

Well, today I went back and guess what? I was a good boy and I had lots of fun!!

I would show you pictures but Mommy forgot her camera and her phone because she had to sneak out of the house while Bailey wasn't looking. At least she remembered to change out of her pajamas! So you will just have to take my word that it was some good dog times.

I went to the first medium sized dog romping party of the day and those dogs are a lot calmer than the medium sized dogs in the second romping party of the day.

I got there early and said hi to a dog named Susie and then a barking German Shepherd puppy and some other dogs. Then we all played and romped and sniffed all the other dogs as they got there. Susie's family included a boy named Hunter and he played ball with me. That was fun.

I like the first romping party on Saturday and I think I will go back for more. The sad part is that Michelle who works there is moving back to Alabama. Boo on that, Michelle. I will miss you! But Danielle is still there, which is good.

So if you want to have some fun romping with other dogs, you should go to Miss Sheri's romping palace for dogs. You can also go to school there but it is more fun to romp!

Love
BANDIT!
Visit Mommy's new Heavenly Creatures blog about animals and faith at Patheos.com. And don't forget to follow me on Twitter!

It's Valentine's Day and someone you love might be trying to kill you.

Valentine's Day is when people tell you they love you by
squeezing you until your tongue pops out of your mouth.



 It is time for Valentines Day, the day when people go around telling other people how much they love them or they try to get people to fall in love with them. It's all hearts and hugs and kisses and love.

But it is all a big lie. Really, those people are trying to kill you.

First, a naked baby named Cupid flies around with a bow and arrow trying to shoot people in the heart. Where I live, babies are not allowed to fly around without their mommies (or their diapers), and they are definitely not allowed to play with bows and arrows. Plus, just in case you didn’t know, if you shoot someone through the heart with an arrow they will die. And they probably won’t love you for it, either.

People also give presents for Valentines Day, like chocolate and flowers and cards with hearts on them. They may taste nice and look pretty, but if you get chocolates and flowers, watch out! You should know that if a dog eats chocolate he will get emergency poop and if he eats flowers he will also get a really bad belly ache and get sick and barf. If he eats them both, he will definitely be going to the animal hospital.

I don’t know if chocolate gives people emergency poop but I would not take a chance. And I don’t know if people eat flowers, either. But I have met some people who are not very smart so I would not be surprised if they did.

Cards are not very dangerous, but they don't taste that good and the pieces of paper get stuck in your teeth. And if you eat the envelope, the pieces with the glue will get all stuck in your fur. Which might mean you have to get a b-a-t-h. A bath means you have to get into the tub and get your whole head drowned under the shower. So the card won't kill you but the bath might.

On Valentine's day, some boy people give their favorite girlfriend people a very special present called a rock. It is a shiny glass stone you wear on your finger and it costs about eleventy million cents. Girls like to get that present. I don’t think a rock is a very good present. Although I heard about a dog last month who ate 100 rocks, so he must have a lot of girlfriends.



Bailey eats poop. Go ahead and kiss her. Blech.

 There is also a lot of hugging and kissing on Valentine’s Day. Blech. First of all, most people who hug you are really people trying to strangle you. Why else would they wrap their arms around you and keep squeezing you while you are gakking with your tongue hanging out of your mouth? Second, you can get a lot of germs by kissing. Especially if you kiss my stupid sister Bailey, because she eats poop. That is some germy love.

I would tell you more about Valentine’s Day except I am still very sad about my brother, Scout. You know that about twoteen weeks ago he got out of his dog body and got into his angel body and went to live on God’s Farm in heaven. It was very sad. I am lonely without him and Mommy has big crying days whenever she goes into her office where he liked to sleep.

Scout is an angel now in heaven. Mommy is still crying.

If you want to know about love, you should learn more about God’s Farm. In heaven, all of the dogs and cats and rabbits and birds and every other animal who ever got sick and died lives there. They are all happy and no one is in pain and they get to romp and run around and have play time all day. And at night, all of the dogs get to climb up on Jesus’ bed to snuggle, and he doesn’t even care if their muddy paws get the sheets dirty!

That is love!

I am glad that God has a special place for animals and that he made Scout feel better from his cancer. I think Scout probably likes having angel wings. Maybe he can tell Cupid to stop being naughty and to just play bubbles with God’s puppies so we can have a safe Valentine’s Day.

Love
BANDIT!

(c) 2012 Wonder Dog Communications all rights reserved

Visit Mommy's new Heavenly Creatures blog about animals and faith at Patheos.com. And don't forget to follow me on Twitter!